17 replies to this topic

[Timmy Chang]

Q: Is Tiger Woods tough? Even though he's got muscles, me and most of my roommates believe he's softer than a plate of mashed potatoes. But one of my roommates argued Tiger would beat up everyone in my house and MOST professional athletes, then he said Tiger would wipe the floor with Wes Welker. Let me preface this by saying my crazy Tiger-loving roommate is a Steelers fan, and the rest of us are Pats fans. That aside, there's no way Tiger could beat up Welker, right? Maybe you could use your pull at ESPN to see if you can use the same machine they did in the new "Rocky" movie to set up some sort of video game fight scenario between the two of them. While we're at it, why don't we upload every athlete from the last 50 years into that thing for the fun of it. Haven't you always wondered who would win in a fight between Mo Vaughn and Mike Greenwell?
-- Viktor, Long Beach, Calif.

SG: I think Tiger is the toughest golfer ... but what does that really mean? It's like being the toughest poodle. Wes Welker would kick his ass. As for your other idea, that could definitely work as a half-hour TV show -- like a cross between "Celebrity Deathmatch" and "Around the Horn," where you'd have three sportswriters argue about something like "Who would win a fight between Wes Welker and Tiger Woods?" for the first half of the show, and then we'd see the fight "happen" in animated form. Uh-oh, I just gave Spike TV a show for their Tuesday 9:30 p.m. slot. Hey, speaking of potential shows for Spike TV ...

I think most confuse strength with the ability to fight. Welker is scrappy as hell, and i personally dont believe that tiger's country club upbringing instilled him with the requisite ability to fight. Ordinarily, i'd look to stereotypes to determine a winner, and with his blackness (athletic) and asianness (the ability to snapkick), Tiger would have a considerable edge. But we have the ability to look at tigers background in a little more depth, as opposed to painting it with stereotypes. Im willing to bet that he didn't learn koryo jujitsu on the squash court of the local country club.

That being said, what we dont know about tiger we can fill with stereotypes. One thing that is "advantage tiger" in a grappling match is that blacks typically have more oily skin, thus enabling him to move in and out of welkers attempted hold(s).

Edited by Timmy Chang, 02 April 2008 - 03:18 PM.

[Timmy Chang]

Looking at everything I know about these two, and what I know about these types of people, im going to have to side with TSG. Welker takes this one.

[houstontexan]

saw tiger up close at augusta national last year. guy's pretty big, but nothing welker doesn't take on every time he goes up the middle or even steps on a field.

welker would beat his ass.

[T-Bird01]

Welker would win w/o question. I know he has definitely been in a few brawls in Lubbock w/ my boy Ryan Aycock.

[Scot]

Welker would win w/o question. I know he has definitely been in a few brawls in Lubbock w/ my boy Ryan Aycock.

Name dropper.

[T-Bird01]

...

[houstontexan]

OMG, aycock...OMG, ryan's coming to blue light after the game w us!

what a&m tri delt am i?

[Timmy Chang]

Raging Cajun?

[houstontexan]

puddy, you know this.

[T-Bird01]

A&M Tri Delt? Hmmmm....Stacey? Mary?

[houstontexan]

close. very close.

[T-Bird01]

Cassie? Shit, I have no clue.

[Thethreeyardout]

Ordinarily, i'd look to stereotypes to determine a winner, and with his blackness (athletic) and asianness (the ability to snapkick), Tiger would have a considerable edge. But we have the ability to look at tigers background in a little more depth, as opposed to painting it with stereotypes. Im willing to bet that he didn't learn koryo jujitsu on the squash court of the local country club.

this is pretty good stuff.

I think there might be something to be said about your rep as being unappreciated for your humor.

Edited by Thethreeyardout, 03 April 2008 - 09:17 PM.

[houstontexan]

puddy, you're better than this. think about the biggest fucking name dropper in that group. she may not hang with them actually, but she's from lubbock.

she's the chick that would show up to my house every time wes was in town to "let me know wes was in town."

[T-Bird01]

Man, those are really the only 3 that I know. I didn't hang out w/ those chicks in college. I know there is that one friend of theirs that was "dating" Welker. And by dating, I mean she waited around for him in C.S. while he was nailing other skanks in Lubbock.

[T-Bird01]

Also, don't really care for many of those chicks besides Mary. I think Mary is pretty fucking cool. Of course she is married to one of my best friends, so I'm a little biased.

[houstontexan]

that's the one.

dumped her two days before he signed that 13 mill contract with NE. talk about a kick to the balls.

[houstontexan]

i've always liked mary. pretty fun chick.